Fertility centre rang today. The doctor looked at my file, and the recipient father's, and said that my profile was that of a 'perfect egg donor' and 'could donate again'. So nothing to worry about.

Sad for my recipients though :(

I rang the centre back. I asked if the low fertilisation rate could be my fault, and the nice lady at the other end said she couldn't know for sure. She thought it was unlikely, given the high number of eggs I produced, but she would need to ask a doctor to go over my file and that of the recipient couple. She said she would do that for me on Monday and call me back.

I also asked about passing on my sympathies to the recipient. She will forward a card if I send it to the centre marked for her attention, and keep it suitably anonymous. Of course, if it's not me, it's the husband, and how awful must that be for them :(

I feel better for taking action, seeking information. I never doubted my own ability to have children (someday) until now. But best to find out than worry unnecessarily or fool myself for years.

I rang the fertility centre today. Of the 16 eggs they took from me, only 6 fertilised. The best 3 were implanted into the recipient, the remaining 3 were not good enough to freeze. She didn't get pregnant.

All the pain, all the mood swings, all the general hassle for nothing. I think of the flowers she sent me and feel like a fraud. I feel disappointed and crap about it, and worse for thinking of how much worse she (and her husband) must feel.

I'm also worried that only 6 eggs fertilised, and the possibility it might be a fertility problem in me.

The eggs came out this morning. All went very well, and easily for me. I've never had an operation before, so found all the preparation (cardiogram, pulse monitor, blood pressure monitor) quite fun. A new and interesting experience to be put to sleep for half an hour too. Waking up and reintegrating one's faculties is odd to observe too - from barely coherent to walking to the tube station in about an hour. fanf came with me (the fertility centre strongly recommend a friend to look after you) and seemed remarkably tolerant of my post-sedation rambling :)

They got 16 eggs, which is apparently on the high side, and at least 12 should be usable. Once fertilised they'll use some to try to make the recipient pregnant now, and freeze the rest for her future use. Apparently fertilised eggs freeze and recover much better than unfertilised ones, very weird. I can ring the centre in a few weeks to see if she got pregnant, and then that's the end of it. Bye bye genes, have a good life out there.

All the staff at the fertility centre are absolutely wonderful, really kind and pleasant. It's pretty damn good for the ego to have people telling you repeatedly that you're a lovely person doing a very good thing, too :) And they gave me a present afterward, which I totally didn't expect, a really nice candlestick from Fortnum and Mason, no less :) Now adorning the house mantlepiece.

I've been in a happy mood all day since, which is very pleasant too, and I hope not just some leftover effect of the sedation. I've also been very snoozy - managed to doze for about 3 hours this afternoon in the living room. Every so often I giggle to myself over the phrase 'I've been trying to get someone pregnant'.