Why do none of the local parent+baby activities take place outside normal office hours? (With the sole exception of Saturdads.) Why are the vast majority of those activities actually mother+baby in practice?

Why are fathers-as-carers so little valued that there is felt to be a need for Saturdads?

How many fathers get quizzed as to how they will juggle their career and their family?

Why do we know no other families[1] where a father has taken a significant (if temporary) cut in working hours in order to share the childcare? I can't believe Tony is extreme among fathers in his love for Charles; I can't believe I am extreme among mothers in my love of my job. I suppose I can believe that the university is extreme in actually putting its money where its policies of work-life balance are.

[1] Ok, we sort-of know ONE local stay-at-home dad, in a very casual-acquaintance way.

There are biological limits on how long a mother can work into pregnancy, and how soon she can go back to work afterwards, no denying, but this is usually a matter of a few months, not years. Breastfeeding isn't a barrier to working, if the employer will allow pumping breaks (a matter of 20 minutes every few hours, and somewhere clean and private to do so).

Fundamentally, why is childcare seen as a "women's issue" rather than a "parent's issue"? I can't help feeling this is at the root of a lot of casual sexism. In an ideal world, fathers would be as likely as mothers to take reduced hours or time off for their children. (There may be a separate discussion as to just what concessions should be made to working parents versus working non-parents, but I think it is a disservice to both men and women to confuse "parents" with "mothers".)

Charles decided to help us start celebrating early by having a Mystery Nightime Tantrum at 3am.

There's this idea being promoted that washing at 30°C rather than 40°C will help reduce power consumption. I am dubious about whether things will be cleaned well enough, especially given the advice "It is however recommended that towels, underwear, sportswear, baby clothes, all bedding, and heavily stained items still be washed at higher temperatures to ensure they get completely clean."

Currently I'm working my way through the draft of Sustainable Energy - Without the Hot Air, a book on sustainable energy by Professor David MacKay of the Department of Physics in Cambridge. It is an excellent facts-and-numbers-driven analysis. His debunking of the mobile-phone charger myth inspired me to do some calculation on "washing at 30".

The manual for our washing machine states that it uses 59 litres of water for a standard wash, and 0.5kWh of electricity. It is plumbed into both hot and cold mains, and for wash temperatures up to ~65°C it uses the house hot water rather than doing any heating itself. As a household, we do a nappy and a non-nappy wash most days of the week, nappies at 60°C and everything else at 40°C.

Non-nappy washes
For the sake of easy calculation, I'll call it 6 washes a week currently at 40°C, and 60 litres of water per wash. The specific heat capacity of water is 4.2 kJ/kg/K and water is handily 1kg/l.

60 kg x 4.2 kJ/kg/°K x 10°K = 2.52MJ per wash, so 15.12MJ per week.

Our water is heated by gas and we are billed for gas in kWh. 1kWh = 1000 J/s x 3600s = 3.6MJ.

15.12/3.6 = 4.2kWh per week. We are currently charged 2.574p/kWh inc VAT, so the saving would be a grand total of 11p per week, or £5.72 per year.

Either there is something wrong with my calculation or this is a fairly minimal effect on energy consumption.


Nappy washes
We wash the nappies at 60°C but strictly speaking, only the soiled nappies need to go at 60, the rest could go at 40 with the non-nappy washes. Without worrying too much about implementation, we could cut from 6 x 60°C washes per week to 3 x 60°C washes, and 2 x 40°C washes (we could probably eliminate one wash a week by mixing the wet-only nappies with other laundry).

Pleasingly, 3 x 60 x 4.2 x 20 is the same as 6 x 60 x 4.2 x 10, so we know that part of the answer already. What about saving 1 washload a week? If we assume the water is heated from mains cold at 10°C to 40°C then we have 1 x 60 x 4.2 x 30, which is half the previous answer. Plus we save the 0.5kWh of electricity which costs just under 11p/kWh.

So in total, we could save 22p per week by separating out the soiled nappies, and we could only do this by continuing to wash at 40 most of the time, so it's not additional to the 11p per week above.


Showers
Showers are also usually taken at about 40°C. Some quick experimentation with a measuring jug and the shower tells me that our shower flows at about 8 litres per minute. So if we shower for 7.5 minutes that's the same as one non-nappy washload. My guesstimate from our morning routine is that I spend 5-10 minutes in the shower and Tony spends 10-15 minutes. Plus Jason and Jonny take showers every day in the other bathroom, but I don't observe for how long. Our showers are both fed from the hot water tank and do no additional heating of their own.

If we assume an average of 10 minutes per adult per shower per day, that's 280 minutes of showers a week, equivalent to 37 washes at 40. The energy used by heating water for a wash at 60 is 5/3 that for a wash at 40 (heating from 10 to 60 rather than 10 to 40), so our current laundry is equivalent to 6 x 8/3 = 16 washes at 40 (16x5.5p=88p/week), less than half of the cost of showering. Without the nappy washes, it would be less than one-sixth (6x5.5p=33p/week).

Baby costs
Jonny asked just now "so how much does Charles cost then?" to which the answer is 6 nappy washes and 1 non-nappy wash per week.
Water heating is (6x5/3 + 1) x 5.5p = 60.5p/week.
Running the washing machine is 7 x 0.5kWh x 11p/kWh = 38.5p/week.
A total of 99p/week on baby laundry energy costs. Detergent costs are left as an exercise for the reader.

Today was spent going to London in order to attend the funeral of my grandmother's cousin Pierce. He did not quite make it to his 99th birthday and leaves a widow and two daughters. He was doing things like learn to sail at an age that some people never reach, and attended my and Tony's wedding, despite finally getting rather frail.

There was a large turnout for the service, and the event was probably the least upsetting funeral I have ever been to - perhaps a sense that this life at least was not ended untimely. Charles and I were introduced to some of our more distant cousins. Tony couldn't get the day off work due to me failing to remind him to but Jonny came along to play tag-team childcare. In fact he spent most of the actual funeral service outside with the noisy toddler who, typically, was apparently somnolent right up until the service started, when he suddenly turned furiously active.

We accepted an invitation to go back to the house for a family tea, where Charles was very active and rather noisy, but nothing got broken and we managed to distract a lot of the noises. He fell asleep in the buggy as we walked down to the local station, and has been so since.

On Saturday my father rang me mid-morning to say he needed to move all of jdc39's belongings out of his house urgently and as Jonny was already living with me, did I have room somewhere. I thought a bit and said, probably if we tidied the junk room a bit. So he arrived about 2 hours after that and helped me finish emergency junk room clearance, and then he and Jonny unloaded, we fed him and he went home again. We dumped some stuff for the tip in James's car, all the IVAR and everything for Freecycle in Charles's room (putting that project back by a few more weeks at least), and I filled up a few charity bags. We also filled 3 carrier bags mostly from the floor and my desk, with rubbish, paper and card respectively, which I then disposed of in the appropriate bins/boxes. Charles refused to be held by his granddad.

Also on Saturday there was an alt.fan.pratchett meet - with the house tidying and then Charles falling asleep around 4, we didn't go to the afternoon part of it, but Charles and I made it to the Carlton for the evening part. Tony had fallen asleep! I was pleased to see people, but was rather peripatetic following Charles and attempting to keep him out of trouble. He strongly resisted going in the sling at any point in the pub but OF COURSE fell asleep within minutes once we were walking home.

On Sunday there was an "open house" at Shaun & Linda's. We went by bus and met Rosie & Ian on the bus, which then passed Ben on the way. Charles clung to me for about the first hour and then decided that actually it would be lots of fun to get down and charge around. We caught the penultimate bus home and had a mellow evening.

On Monday there should have been a music class but Charles was deeply asleep on the bed and I didn't want to move him. He eventually woke just before the class would have been over and was then completely manic for the rest of the day and refused to go to sleep until gone 10pm. We went out to the library and to get some food shopping done, but neither of these encouraged him to sleep.

On Tuesday we had a release at work so I was in at 7:15 in case anything went wrong (nothing did). After picking up Charles we took James's car to get new tyres, which went really well once I'd found the garage we were actually booked into. Charles slept throughout the whole operation, and during the trip to the tip afterwards, and only woke when I put him in a supermarket trolley. We got home with just enough time to unload the shopping before collecting Lois, and there followed a very pleasant evening with Lois, Patrick, Sally & Jonny. I fed everyone, Tony turned up in time for dessert, and Charles zonked out shortly after everyone had left.

On Wednesday I went into town after collecting Charles, paid in a cheque, got some loyalty points from a receipt put on my Boots card, and failed to like any of their baby clothes enough to buy. Some time after we got back home, Bridget came around and we had tea and chat during the afternoon.

On Thursday there was a FreeBSDish meal at Teri-Aki in the evening. Jonny was kind enough to babysit so I could join Tony there. Yum.

On Friday was Charles's swimming class. After the very-late-buses faff two weeks ago, and as part of my "do more exercise" plan, we cycled. Charles was bundled up in many layers, the top one a lovely washable waterproof, and mittens held on by velcroing the waterproof sleeves tight over the mitten wrists. Even so, he was a bit chilly when we got to the pool, but perked up once we were in, with lots of splashing and jumping in and hanging on to the side. On the way home he kept trying to fall asleep on my arm, but of course once arrived he was full of beans and somewhat screechy for tea with Verity. Not long after she had left, he had a big feed and went to sleep.

We have nothing booked this weekend, which I feel is useful.

Another migraine started brewing Saturday afternoon, and though I drugged it into oblivion, I was shattered for the rest of Saturday and all of Sunday and most of today. I had a lie down between breakfast and going to work and another one between fetching Charles and going to music class, and another one after music class. Charles helpfully went to sleep for two hours, allowing me to doze and cook and register for childcare vouchers

Going to bed soon, as part of the Get Enough Sleep project.

I did a lot of reading over Saturday afternoon and Sunday, about a year's worth of Cycle Campaign newsletters and all the easy-to-deal-with home email - the end-of-day average is now ~50, but they're all the slightly awkward ones. I will try to make myself do one a day or something.

We had Mum & Mick to stay over the weekend, though they were in London all day Saturday and I had crashed before they arrived back. Sunday was very relaxed, and if it was rather enforced on me, it seemed to go down well with our guests. My meal-planning appeared to work ok, though fanf produced all the actual meals over the weekend. I think I will leave him more leeway next weekend to use his own creativity. This week has got off reasonably well although I amended my planned meal for tonight as Charles was asleep when I needed to obtain onions. Lots of leftover ping, and more filling than I expected. Bonus. crazyscot's rice recipe worked perfectly so I will use that again.

Yesterday we went up to Leeds and back to have a seasonal meal with Mum, Mick and assorted offspring. The meal was lovely, the company excellent and nothing beats 2 toddlers in one house for entertainment. Just lovely to sit and catch up a little with people too. jdc39 came up with us but stayed overnight to sort out some of his stuff, and he and Matt should be arriving in Cambridge at some point this evening.

The car journey up was rather trying with large amounts of inconsolable baby screaming. He was intensely clingy to me once we had arrived, needing a good 10 minutes of Mummy Time before he was up to socialising. He slept all the way home however, so I only had to manage the driving. We were in the car about 6.5 hours yesterday, and it was much harder than the 10-hour journey home on Thursday. I think I need to seriously consider ruling out long car journeys with Charles in future.

Eurostar check-in at Lille was deeply tedious. An enormous slow-moving queue, bottleneck apparently the metal-detectors. If I wanted to stand in queues for ages I'd fly. Then there was the rather scary incident when a group of stupid people stopped moving as soon as they got off the immensely crowded escalator. Following a large chorus of KEEP MOVING, DON'T STOP! from everyone on the escalator, they finally shifted themselves, but not before I'd been propelled into the wobbly old lady in front of me by pressure of people coming down behind. I think we were about 30 seconds away from something very nasty. Perhaps I should write a stroppy letter of complaint.

Letter of complaint number 2 will be to St Pancras station management, about the signs which direct you to King's Cross bringing you out on a busy road with no pedestrian crossing within 100 metres in either direction, and a helpful temporary barrier blocking the opposite side for about 20 metres. So you have to cross this busy road diagonally from where you've been brought, or massively detour.

On a happier note, we had a very comfortable and restful Christmas, and it was great to have some real quality time with the family. I have a lot of photos of Charles opening presents to sort through. He had a great second Christmas Day, totally got into it, charged around the place until late in the evening and generally had a whale of a time. We got many board books for him, plus a trolley of blocks and some nice clothes. I think Tony and I got some DVDs and booze as well. We left money with Louise to package and ship what we couldn't fit in the suitcase.

Christmas Dinner was a turkey, raised on a local smallholding. It was the hugest turkey I have ever seen - 11.6kg apparently (25 lbs in old money) - and after 9 adults had attacked it and had plentiful seconds, there was still more than half of it left. It was also extremely tasty (as were the various accompaniments), so more turkey for Boxing Day meals and sandwiches today was in fact lovely rather than boring.

We watched a lot of Hornblower, though as I kept getting distracted/drawn away by a certain small person, I'll have to do something about watching it properly. I've never actually got around to reading the books, but what I saw of the tv adaptations was exactly my kind of escapist drama.

We are with louise_e_f for Christmas, along with Tony's younger two sisters, Izzy & Lucy, Lucy's boyfriend Simon and Tony's father Conrad. Also many cats, mostly kittenish, and an aged dog. It's vital to check chairs before sitting down.

The journey down on Friday was fairly good, though travelling with an active, noisy toddler of firm opinions was always going to be something of an endurance exercise. We changed at Lille rather than Paris to avoid the horror of Montparnasse metro station, and were very strict with baggage limits - 1 baby in a sling, 1 nappy bag, 1 rolling suitcase and 1 carrier bag for food & magazines. Lucy had her own suitcase and then we were met at St Pancras to take Simon's bag of presents that he couldn't take on the plane. We couldn't have done it with the buggy as well.

The new tunnel under London is amazing. We got on the incredibly-full Eurostar, had barely left when I had to change Charles, and by the time we came out, we were practically at Ebbsfleet, on the M25.

Our change at Lille was only 15 minutes, and I was twitchy about it - we loaded up early and were by the door, second in line behind another mother and baby, 10 minutes before arriving in Lille. We efficiently and quickly departed the train with luggage ready to find staircases, looked around and went "oh, this is our train on the other platform ... and this is our carriage right here". So that was rather easier than expected! On the way home we have a 2 hour change there instead - I will get to decide which I prefer for next time.

3 adults to 1 toddler is a good ratio for no-one being completely exhausted. The entire next carriage and half of our subdivided area were one large party who started breaking out fizz and cakes once we passed Paris, and were delightfully tolerant, even welcoming, of small child repeatedly exploring.

Since arriving we have proceeded to chill out, eat too much, and spread the child-watching among 7 adults. I am probably having the most free time I can remember since he was born and am mostly spending it reading. Today we had Sunday lunch at the local hotel - a mere 2 miles away so the younger half of the adult party walked there while the older ones drove with the baby, and I persuaded Tony to join us on the return journey while I carried Charles. The mist was only just rising as we set off, but the walk back was glorious - sunny and crisp, on a country road winding between fields. Charles is really incapable of sitting still for anywhere near the length of a 3-course meal though, which was the only strain on proceedings. The walk helped settle us both down, in his case to sleep.

The tree is decorated, the kittens have been stealing decorations and killing them, or playing with ribbons on presents. Tomorrow we get the last few things to be ready for Christmas Day.

I have just been reminded of this story.

When I was about 4 years old, my parents took me and my baby brother Daniel to Santa Monica, to visit my father's uncles who were living there at the time. My great-uncle Theo and his lifelong partner Bob held a party. Bob noticed me staring intently at him and said "why are you staring?", to which I replied "you're really old!" (he would have been in his late 50s/early 60s I think). Bob said "yes, I am old, but one day you will be old too". I thought about this for a bit and then replied "but when I am old, you will be DEAD".

Bob told me this story when I was 22 and accompanying my grandmother on a visit to the USA and Canada, a "last hurrah" before the Alzheimer's really took hold of her. He found my reaction hilarious (a mixture of amusement and deep embarrassment). He was dying of cancer at the time, and died within months of our visit. He was a kind and generous host to us, and my great regret is that I forgot to take a photograph to remember him by.

I am still not old.

I rang and they didn't have it in lost property, but this was because it was still in the feeding room. The chap I spoke to found it and put it in lost property for me to collect.

Extreme logistical faff turned into reasonable logistics with the cancellation of babysitting, so Charles and I walked Tony into town to retrieve the bag. I dropped into our GP surgery on the way back to establish that I need to see a doctor in order to get sumatriptan and domperidone on repeat prescription; as I am down to the last sumatriptan we promptly arranged an appointment for next week. I also established that they have a letter about Charles's hospital admission on their system and should be able to request a copy from the doctor when I see her.

I could do with spending a weekend in bed, but we are busy until Christmas. Tomorrow we go to visit my dad for the weekend and see my stepmother perform in South Pacific. I haven't seen Dad since his brief visit to move Jonny out and before then it was a short meal with him and Lisa at the end of July. I'm struggling now to remember when I last saw my stepsibs.

Just over 6 months old, but I have finally put up some photos from our trip to France in April, with separate collections for the signposted tumulus we stopped to explore, and the valley of monkeys.

As usual, most of the photos are of Charles.

Last weekend:

We all developed the plague nasty colds following the return from Leeds. I lasted until Thursday evening before succumbing, but had to have Friday off work. louise_e_f arrived Thursday night. Friday was spent quietly with everyone but our guest being ill. Saturday we went to Beaconsfield for Nadia's birthday party and baby Chloe's blessing celebrations. Pub lunch spoiled by nasty incident with rude landlord (for the avoidance of doubt, I don't object in any way to being asked to take my noisy baby outside, but there are ways and ways of asking), had to be smoothed over as our hostess has to live next door to him. Party in the evening, lots of people, Charles very shy at first then loosening up after a while. Sunday, pre-booked large family lunch at the same pub. I opted to sit on picnic tables outside, joined by about half the party. Cake and admiring of Chloe, and then home. M25 usual horror.

Last week:
Very busy at work, trying to not get ill again at home. Started trying Charles out with short walks (e.g. to local shops), with mixed success. Need more patience.

Yesterday: Tony & Charles went to local NCT "Saturdads" morning group for dads and babies, and seemed to have fun. I managed to tackle some paperwork, including the travel insurance claim from August's cancelled holiday to France. Watched a Bond movie, chilled out. Updated my present list and made one for Charles, as people are already asking about Christmas.

Today: Chilling out, maybe pub lunch, maybe more paperwork.

Next week: More very busy work days and resting enough outside work to not get ill. Charles is now pretty much over the cold so I can book his 12-month vaccinations.

My mother has just written up the interrail holiday she took last month with her partner and my youngest brother.

Conrad (Tony's father) arrived on Thursday evening and we had a pub meal but flaked out early. Douglas moved out on Friday, just in time for us to turn the room around for Lucy to stay in over the weekend. Today has been very lazy, with a venture out to the local recreation ground for Charles to play on everything. His favourite thing by far is the zip slide: we very carefully let him ride on it with both me and Lucy there to catch him, and he was very reluctantly detached, and then spent the next 5 minutes walking back and forth following the zip slide as other children played on it.

Tomorrow Sarah & Paul are visiting for the day. The plan is to have a family barbecue (try not to roast the baby).

We are having an ELOBBBBHBB from 3pm today at our house, a brilliant idea which occurred to me about an hour ago. Ring me for directions/queries.

We should probably get dressed ...

Yesterday we went to London for lusercop's birthday picnic in Hyde Park. We also made tentative arrangements to meet my father and stepmother in London, as it's roughly "halfway" by train between Cambridge and Chippenham.

The picnic was fun, and despite being late we were in at the start. Mobile phones make "whereabouts in this large area of grass and trees are you" a lot easier. Dad made a flying visit to the picnic and then we arranged to meet him and Lisa for pre-theatre dinner later. Lots of other people turned up, and there was the occasional bit of juggling, and surprising "oh, you know X" conversations.

Charles had fun, including doing his party trick of entirely emptying a bag of crisps onto the picnic blanket. He met another baby and was allowed to play with his stacking buckets, a favour he repaid by weeing on that family's blanket :( My fault for taking advantage of a warm day and letting him run around naked for a bit, and then not watching him closely enough.

We left around 4:30 and managed to find the right theatre just in time to meet Dad and Lisa coming out of Little Shop of Horrors. As Lisa had a sprained ankle, we settled at the first reasonable eating place nearby, and ate at an outdoor table, watching the world go by at Cambridge Circus. The food was reasonable if not brilliant (but what do you expect for tourist-trap areas), and they were astonished at our honesty when we pointed out that they'd missed most of the drinks off our bill, and insisted on paying for them.

All too soon it was time to say goodbye and go. We timed things very well at King's Cross, arriving just enough time before the train to a) not have to wait b) not have to run. Charles explored the carriage thoroughly and made friends with two more children who had a baby brother only a little younger than Charles. Keeping an eye on his explorations made the train journey seem astonishingly quick. By the time we got home around 9pm, it was raining gently, and I took him upstairs to feed and after a lot of rumbunctious clambering around while doing so, he finally fell asleep. And so did I.

Work was manic and stressful and there was a crisis erupting as I had to leave on Friday. I did enjoy some of it though, I'm sure. Trying to feel positive about tomorrow.

I spent the afternoons either resting or running around doing urgent errands. The treading-water feeling is quite strong as I just keep up with the deadlines and demands on us.

Charles walked 6 steps unaided on Tuesday but seems to be concentrating on consolidating his walking-with-aid skills, including traversing furniture. He's just started crawling as well, more on hands-and-feet than hands-and-knees, and not very far at a time.

I got a hire car on Friday afternoon. Keith bravely babysat for an hour while I was gone. Enterprise staff were all being very nice to me, and I felt slightly bad when I had to reject the first car they presented me (Vauxhall Vectra) as being correct in size but not able to fit a baby seat in the centre rear seat. They found me another one that did fit the seat (Renault Megane Scenic), said it was the same class so I didn't need to upgrade and apologised for it not being cleaned yet even though it was only a bit dusty.

Matt arrived on Friday night on a badly-delayed train from London, and I drove him, Jonny, Tony & Charles up to my aunt and uncle's home in Lincolnshire for a huge family party celebrating my mother's engagement to Mick. The weather was very hot and the food excellent and I enjoyed introducing Charles to lots of people. He got quite shy and tired. We also discovered tooth number 7 had just emerged on the way there.

The journey home was ok, but we had to stop at Peterborough for a nappy change and a drink for me. The moment I parked the car at home and walked into the house I noticed I had a migraine (it had probably been coming on for a while but I was concentrating on driving) so dropped everything and went to bed for about 12 hours. Just to help, Charles was very fussy during the night, running a mild temperature. Today he kept refusing to drink for ages though I think he is now caught up, but he's been fragile and frequently weepy and generally exhausting.

We took Matt to lunch at the Carlton and Jonny met us there. I had to dive out and get Matt to his train (and half the short-stay carpark was coned off, so dropping him was a bit hairy) and then returned to collect Tony for an exciting foray to the shops on Newmarket Road. I hate driving there. We found a fireguard in B&Q (on Saturday morning I took my eye off Charles for a couple of minutes and found him dismantling the fake coals from the gas fire) and a wipe-clean tablecloth in Homebase, for putting under Charles's chair and catching the debris at mealtimes. Babies R Us has mutated into Toys R Us and has very little of use to us any more.

Then we came home and flopped. Charles has finally gone to sleep in my arms and I'm hoping he'll stay that way - he's missed at least two of his usual naps today.

Yesterday we made a day trip to visit Mum and Mick for a vast Christmas dinner with many people. Daniel finally got to meet his nephew. I re-met Rebecca and Daniel (Mick's children) and Rebecca and I got on really well again. I must try to keep in touch. We got home shortly before 10, rather exhausted.

Today I've been tired and slightly headachey all day, in a sub-migraine kind of way. Charles has likewise seemed very tired, waking up only to eat and fuss a little and then sleeping again. Tony has stayed in bed, and if I didn't have to feed myself and Charles I'd have stayed there too.

I feel like I have a vast amorphous mass of undone tasks. I need to find and update my to-do list, then at least I'll know what it is I'm failing to do. On the good side the cats are fed, we are caught up on laundry and the kitchen is only 20 minutes or so away from tidiness.

Yesterday Charles was 12 weeks old. According to my leaflet from the physiotherapy people, I should now be healed enough to ride horses. I'll take that as meaning rock-climbing is no longer medically inadvisable (just logistically difficult). Also I can now join buggyfit and other post-natal exercise classes.

Friday night got fraught because Charles didn't want to be put down while I packed to go away for the weekend or did any of the other jobs that needed doing. Heartrending sobs while I hung out washing and changed the cat litter and so on. Instead of picking up Tony around 7pm we did so around 8:30pm and ended up reaching my dad's house at midnight.

We had a pleasant, Coleman-style-chaotic day with my dad and stepmother, and then drove to Coventry for emperor's and atreic's housewarming. Much fun. We stayed in a Premier Travel Inn nearby, which worked well (family friendly budget hotels are good) and headed home late Sunday morning. Later it transpired we had left Tony's wallet and an appointment card for Charles in Coventry, but this was fixable.

Despite getting home soon after noon I got very little done yesterday apart from feeding Charles and reading LJ. Annoying when that happens. I put Charles to bed with the bath-feed-bed routine we've been trying and it seemed to work really well, until he woke up again an hour later just as I was falling asleep. I soothed him back to sleep fairly easily but he woke up again as soon as he was put down in the moses basket, and I was too tired to keep trying, so he just spent the night in bed with us. There I think he only woke up once, and I fed him back to sleep with minimum effort.

Two Christmas fairs in two days. Yesterday's was bigger and we spent rather longer there so that Louise could do a stint on the stall from her English-French association (she made scones to sell on it, they seemed to be popular). The fairs are a rather eccentric mix: we had fancy breads, handmade jewellery, the youth club waffle stand, a couple of random hippy-clothing stalls, posh wine stalls, the man with 10 different flavours of honey, ugly artificial flowers, handmade soaps of different smells and all sorts of other food and drink and craft type things.

We bought some rather nice booze from one of the local producer stands yesterday, and the lady selling to us was very impressed with Charles's sling. She called him a "petit grenouille" which proves it's not just me who calls him "frog". In fact lots of people seem to like the sling and Louise was kept busy introducing her petit fils.

Today the sun is shining so I should run around with the camera for a bit and capture the place as it is now, for "before and after" shots.

Mostly il pleut. Louise's new place is a great rambling farmhouse with lots of outbuildings which include a pair of rather natty gites, and another gite in the progress of conversion. We walked around it all today, being given the full plans of what will be done to which bits. There's a swimming pool, currently drained and covered for the winter, but will be great fun when we visit in warmer times. The pool is completely surrounded (with some nice grassy area and a barbecue) with a childproof fence and gate.

We're being very lazy. Tomorrow and Sunday there are local fairs so we shall be out and about more, so far the biggest expedition has been to the supermarket. The baby clothes there are rather nicer than anything in Tesco/ASDA/Boots back home. So far I have resisted splurging, but we have a couple of money-off vouchers that Louise and I might just go spend.

Charles and Louise are bonding beautifully and it's a delight to watch. Tonight she is taking a lot of expressed milk and him to give us a night off. We hope she won't be too exhausted in the morning but I can drive the car if so.

Last Tuesday I saw Casino Royale with Andrew, Matthew & Duncan. We had dinner in the Zebra beforehand. I left expressed milk in the fridge and Sue & Tony managed well between them. Tomorrow Sue is very kindly babysitting so that Tony & I can go out together. We will have a meal in the sort of restaurant where you can't take a baby, and have some time together as a couple rather than as parents. I have already started stockpiling the milk in the fridge ...

I'm coming strongly to the conclusion that I am not cut out to be a full-time mother. I love Charles utterly but I do get fed up spending all day every day in charge of him, and sometimes have to work quite hard not to get grumpy with Tony for not instantly relieving me the moment he gets home from work. I am impatient to get back to my own job, and need to start hounding my bosses for a decision on my request to return part-time. If they say no, I need to hunt up childcare, and that's such a horrible task I'm not doing it unless I have to. Ideally I want to return in mid-January but this requires me to submit paperwork by mid-December, and time's running out for doing so.

My scar got better for a while last week so I didn't bother to see the doctor, only then it got worse again a day or two after I'd finished the course antibiotics. So I really ought to ring for another appointment. Also this week, we have a followup cardiac appointment for Charles on Wednesday, the health visitor on Thursday, and a mega-appointment at the GP on Friday for checkups of both of us and his first immunisation.

We went to visit my mother and her partner at the weekend. Some inconsiderate git jumped in front of a train near Biggleswade and held up all the trains for about 2 hours, and then when we did get on a train it turned out to be the wrong one, only we didn't realise until we pulled into York instead of Leeds. An entertaining departure ensued, involving detaching baby mid-feed in order to grab half our belongings and jump off the train while Tony followed with the other half. We eventually arrived safely and had an enjoyable nearly-24-hours with them. Our attempts to find somewhere for Sunday lunch were a bit jinxed: the first place we tried (non-smoking, German and Belgian beers) said "no children's licence, go away", the next two places were unexpectedly closed, and so we went into Leeds centre and ate in Pizzamania. All-you-can-eat pizza and pasta buffet with music a couple of notches louder than I really like, but it did prevent sound travelling between tables so when Charles was fussing no-one glared at us. And the food was ok and even my giant appetite was sated.

Transporting the baby by train was fairly straightfoward. We kept baggage down to three small bags and the pushchair and had seats on every train. Nappy changing in the train toilets varied considerably in the amount of acrobatics required. I had enough room in every seat to feed him on demand, plus we could walk him up and down when he fussed. He enjoyed lying down and kicking a lot - once on a table and once on a spare seat. Even the lengthy wait at Peterborough didn't bother him nearly as much as it did us.

Last night Charles uncharacteristically cried a great deal and today he's been all lethargic and low appetite, waking up for very short periods to eat miniscule amounts and then cry some more. From the noises I suspect some kind of tummy upset and I've had a touch of indigestion myself. Hopefully he'll feel better soon. Keith rearranged the living room while we were gone and I approve the new layout. A side effect was to tidy a lot of my tat into the study, so I spent a fair amount of time today clearing a path to my desk. All sorting out that needed doing, but I'm glad that it coincided with a day when I did actually have some spare time to devote to it.

I am back. It's been an exhausting five days, but everything is done: the funeral went well, the housemove happened on time and the wedding took place (although the theme of the day would be "it all happened ... eventually!"). I would not have stayed sane without Tony's arrival on Friday, and the housemove in particular would not have succeeded without my aunt Alison and my brother Jonny helping out above and beyond the call of duty. I was confined to light duties and errand-running but am happy that I was useful. I'm also very happy to now have a stepbrother, stepsister and stepmother. Hurray for weddings!

For my own reference, longer notes behind the cut.
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After so long immersed in my family, I need to get my head back into Cambridge in time for tomorrow's work. Another short (but very busy) week ahead of me before we go to Cheltenham for another wedding.

I'm very glad we went, and I did feel we were useful. We didn't do much more than chat for a bit on Friday evening, but on Saturday morning I got Dad to produce a to-do list. He talked and I scribbled and we both rambled a bit, but at the end of it we had a fairly comprehensive list, and over the day we managed to work through most of the items.

The children were taking part in a workshop called Stagecoach, at which Lisa was teaching, and parents were encouraged to participate. So Dad had to be there for the afternoon, and I decided that I would drive him there with Tony. Tony got up and produced a light lunch on remarkably short notice before we did this. We inflicted some Bill Bailey on Dad thanks to the magic of iPod and iTrip, and he mostly seemed to like it. At some point I would love to sit him down and show him the DVD but getting him to sit still for that long without falling asleep would be a minor miracle.

From Swindon we drove to the crematorium near Melksham, so that I'd know where it was for Wednesday, and to do one of the to-do list items which was finding a venue for the post-funeral meal. We took a scenic route through Avebury and Devizes, found the crematorium without much difficulty and then went on to check out the recommended pub in the nearby village. It turned out to be very nice indeed, and is clearly used to catering for funeral groups - a separate space, a standard buffet with unlimited tea + coffee, access to the bar and an extensive menu of meals and snacks if people want something different. Tony approved of the beer on offer and I liked the atmosphere, so I booked the buffet and gave my dad's details.

After that we drove back to Chippenham via the station so I could time the journey (<20 minutes) and then flopped out a bit at the house until everybody got back around 6. After a lot of chatter (and some phone calls) we went out for a meal, though Dad and Lisa had to go to the supermarket beforehand to stock up for food for Lisa's brother and his family who were arriving from Australia the next morning. We went to the local chain family restaurant which has a supervised children's play area, so Tony & I organised the children into that and had drinks while waiting for Dad and Lisa to do the shopping. We then ordered once everyone had arrived, and had a pleasant if rather drawn-out meal (too much talking!). It was really quite late when we left and drove back home in convoy.

I slept badly thanks to baby kicking and squashed-hip pains and full bladder, and when the Australian cousins arrived and all four children were excitedly and noisily playing together I gave up after a bit and just got up, followed by Tony. It was nice to meet the step-relatives-to-be and there was an impressive array of breakfast, but I was really quite tired and grouchy and struggled a bit to stay sociable. I opted not to go to church but instead flopped out a bit with Tony and we amused ourselves reading the Argos catalogue (cute baby things!). By the time Dad, Lisa and the children returned I was a bit more together but even so we had a bit of stress and argument with people (especially me) getting too hot and hungry and overreacting. I had a good cry on Tony's shoulder in private and then he went off to sort lunch out and I spent some time calming down and by the time we left it all seemed to be ok again.

Sunday evening I spent catching up on email and LJ and making phone calls and booking things on the internet to sort out various bits of logistics around the funeral on Wednesday, and the following days. Another longish call to my dad this morning and I think we are pretty much there. I am picking up a car from outside the station on arrival in Chippenham so I can drive myself and jdc39 down to the funeral, and I'm keeping it for the duration of my stay in Chippenham, for extra freedom of movement, and also because driving is one thing I can definitely do without getting too tired out. (My whole family and step-family-to-be seem to be keen on reminding me not to overdo things at the moment.)

Today was Too Hot to go to the office (forecast 33°C - I can manage up to about 27°C in the office) so I didn't even try, but instead worked from home. It was usefully productive and I ended the day quite pleased with my progress. The forecast for tomorrow is about the same, so I should probably do the same again. I do end up feeling quite cut off from normal office life though, especially with only working two days this week. I'm a bit nervous about the funeral being in the heat of the day on Wednesday (also forecast hot). Here's hoping the car I get on Wednesday is airconditioned.

Last night I tried sleeping on top of a duvet, to see if the extra cushioning helped the crunchy-hips feeling. I certainly slept better than Friday or Saturday nights and was rested, but I still woke up about 3 or 4 times. If I have another exhausting night I'll probably ring my midwife, who at least can tell me if this is Just Another Fun Pregnancy Thing or something I can actually do something about. The baby has been dancing around all day and doing what feels like headbutting my ribcage and bouncing on my bladder at regular intervals. 11 weeks to go ...