Since the middle of September, and the anniversary of starting my maternity leave, I have been having lots of little reminders of this time last year, waiting for Charles to arrive. His birthday is on Saturday, coincident with my mother's wedding. Hopefully I won't be awake for 60+ hours this year!

The oddest reminder of waiting-for-Charles was the arrival of mince pies in the local Co-op. My early labour was fueled with mince pies: small, calorie-dense and not too sickly, they made excellent small snacks during that long long day. Later on I got in the (bad) habit of eating them after nursing Charles. When I ate the first of this year's mince pies, the taste and smell brought back a kaleidoscope of impressions/memories, including Sue's presence.

The worst feelings about the birth have definitely faded away into acceptance, but I still find pregnancy unpleasant to remember (of course it lasted rather longer). I find I am delighted with my own little boy and get very excited about other people's tiny babies but still have no desire whatsoever to be pregnant again. So, as many people ask me when I might have another baby, the answer is always "not for some time". I used to want at least four children, and I do very much want Charles to have a sibling, but right now I am not sure I can make myself go through pregnancy even one more time. It will be interesting to see if this too fades into acceptance over the next few years. In the meantime, I have whim-proof contraception.

Went to bed about 10:30 and got lost in a rather good book. The third time I had a period-pain like cramp, I twigged that something might be going on.

I am now downstairs, sitting upright, reading email, sitting on #labour on chiark and timing the contractions to get an idea of how far apart they are so I have something to say to the midwives when I call. Looks like roughly 5-10 minutes apart, rather than the (estimated) 15 minutes apart while I was reading, and definitely easier to cope with while upright than when I was lying down.

The house is cold now I'm not under my duvet. We've put the fire on low in the living room and I'm currently dressed (but in distinctly *not* my nicest clothes).

Hmm, that's two in a row 5 minutes apart. Time to call the delivery unit (between 10pm and 8am they cover first-contact calls for the community midwives).

Edit: The duty midwife says it's too early and the contractions aren't intense enough to do anything. She recommends taking some paracetamol, a hot drink and a hot bath and trying to get some sleep, rather than staying up all night being excited and timing contractions. I'll skip the bath (I had one earlier this evening) but the rest of it sounds sensible, if a bit dull.

I went out late, and then just missed the bus 10 minutes after the ideal one to catch. No problem, think I, it's an every 10 minute service. Half an hour later two buses turned up at once. So I was rather late to meet Tony et al for lunch but they were very tolerant. I just managed to finish in time to pick up some CUMC stuff from Pembroke and get to the midwife on time.

Lovely lovely midwife. She confirmed she's happy for me to home birth despite the big baby - the things that could go wrong are "all things we can spot coming and discuss transfer". We have provisionally booked an induction at the hospital for 42 weeks, though I can probably refuse it at the time if I'm feeling unhappy. If I do so, she will have to "strongly recommend" I go into the hospital and talk through the choices and risks with an obstetrician, and they will want to do full fetal monitoring. Fine by me, so long as I actually get to talk through choices and risks and don't get ordered around again.

She also wrote in my notes (with my agreement) that I declined to see the obstetrician again at 41 weeks, as I already have a midwife appointment at home at 41w2d, where if I want she can do a stretch-and-sweep. But she was very clear that I was under no pressure to accept that offer, and that she'd respect my fear of vaginal exams, be very careful, and stop the moment I told her to.

Should baby and I actually make it to next Wednesday without parting company I am probably likely to accept the stretch-and-sweep. Of the methods of attempting induction it is the least offensive, and I do trust my midwife to stop if I can't cope. I'd certainly rather try that in the relaxed environment of my home if it keeps me from the hospital the following week.

After all that, she checked the baby and thinks it has engaged a little more, and we both heard the heartbeat strongly. All continues healthily.

After the appointment I did more walking - paying in rent money from Sue, paying in CUMC cheques, and going into Cambridge Library for the first time in about 7 years. My membership had expired so I had to reregister, but at least that avoided the "I've changed my name to this complicated alternative" conversation. I borrowed four books. One I've read before, two unread ones by authors I already know and one completely new one.

I'm hoping to get back in the habit of using a library - yes I have a giant to-read pile and yes I have all of Tony's books that I haven't yet read, but for some reason I have this urge for variety at times, for books that haven't been staring at me for the last n months or years. Up till now I've just bought more books in that mood, but I'm going to see if the library makes a good substitute. I already noticed that it certainly makes me more willing to try random new authors.

Yesterday:
( TMI )
I thought/hoped things might kick off in the night, and went to bed early just in case. I did wake up at 3am, but it was because I was desperately thirsty with the tail end of the cold. I spent about an hour drinking lots of water, eating a mince pie, doing Hanjie and wandering around the living room a bit. Then I realised I was too cold and went back to my nice warm bed and slept in late this morning.

The GP said the rash could be anything, probably not to worry, could take antihistamine but best not for baby's sake, and took a blood sample to rule out problems with liver function. I had a hot salt-water bath last night which seemed to soothe it but it was worse again this morning. I had a bright idea that it might be the new sheets we put on the bed on Sunday - I didn't wash them between buying them and putting them on, so they have gone in the wash today and the now-washed ones they replaced are back on.

Routine 40-week visit to midwife this afternoon. I want to discuss how she feels about big baby and home birth and be sure she's still happy with me delivering at home. I tried out the new 50p bus fares with university card yesterday and it seems to work ok, also my pelvis is definitely much more tolerant of walking than it has been. So I should be able to meet fanf and colleagues for lunch and do a couple of minor errands in town before meeting the midwife. Walking to get the bus got me out of a foul impatient mood yesterday afternoon, so I think I should try to do as much gentle walking/getting fresh air as my pelvis can stand.

Three Mitch Benn CDs arrived today, hurray.

Braxton Hicks galore but nothing more.

The cold seems to be getting better. I woke up about every two hours in the night to have a drink but feel fairly rested. Here's hoping it's just my body trying to get it out the way before venturing into labour.

Yesterday I developed an itchy rash on arms and legs. I managed to remember to ring my midwife this morning (I was going to yesterday but forgot), who said it didn't sound worrisome but I should probably see the GP. So I rang them and they were on triage because of registering new students - however the GP triaging decided I was worth seeing today. So that's something to get me out of the house today.

I'll be there again to see my midwife tomorrow afternoon, subject to continued non-arrival of baby.

I developed an annoying cough yesterday, although fanf makes a good hot toddy. There was an exciting moment on the way to the pub when I had to stop walking because of a stitch-like pain in my side. We wondered if it was the start of real contractions, but on later reflection it was probably just a stitch because I haven't walked that far in ages.

More mucus came out in the night, still unbloody. On Saturday I started having a great many more Braxton Hicks contractions and this is still happening. In general I have a feeling of "things are moving" and I'm not going far from home. I do wonder if the cough is holding things up and am hoping it goes away soon. Occasionally I get an urge to walk around, and pace up and down whatever room I'm in - I may go outside for a short walk later to see if that helps.

But I did get a reasonable night's sleep.

For people in Cambridge, Tony & I are intending to go the Carlton for Sunday lunch, from about 2ish, anyone wanting to join us would be welcome.

I just had a show. ( cut for TMI )

I just double-checked my memory against Google and this could mean labour is imminent, or could mean it is still a week or two away. I'm going to attempt to get some sleep now (I've been in bed most of the afternoon/evening dozing or reading), and will give my midwife a ring at a sane time of day tomorrow, assuming nothing exciting happens in the meantime.

We made it to the last NCT class, which was all about babies: what they need, what parents need, getting them to sleep and feeding them.

I've taken my bump belt out of the car and written my last cheque to Cat for borrowing it - I'm not planning to use it again.

While spending money, I ordered two more Bravado bras as I am now definitely shifting out of the Plus size into the Double Plus and am only going to get bigger once the baby arrives.

I'm now very sleepy and going to bed with a good book for the afternoon.

Keith lent me a copy of Mitch Benn's album Radio Face, and after nearly falling out of my chair laughing I bought all three of his albums currently available on Amazon. My particular favourite is Macbeth (My Name Is), which anybody who knows the play has to hear.

I found a change bag I liked in Babies R Us. It's a messenger-bag style with zillions of pockets and a nice sturdy comfortable shoulder strap. I think it'll do for "out all day with baby" holding my stuff as well. Alternatively "overnight bag for baby", together with my small rucksack as an overnight bag for me and we are sorted for train journeys to visit family. (I am assuming decent sling holding baby at front here).

I was resting after buying it when Steph rang me to say the car purchase was taking longer than expected so I took a wander around ASDA which was two shops down. I bought a rather random set of things, including lots of dairy-based food and paperback copies of Thud! and the most recent Harry Potter. My SPD has definitely improved, as I had no problems pottering slowly along the aisles and occasionally leaning on the trolley for a good 40 minutes. After getting through the checkout I sat down and had a drink of water and was just about to get started on Thud! when Steph rang me from outside the store and we went home.

We had a late lunch of pizza from my purchases, and sat chatting for a while. I spent the rest of the day sitting in the bay window doing very little while people came and went. Cat came home and had some food sitting with us, then she and Keith went off into London, and Steph went off shopping. A while after that Sue came home in her hire car, and Matthew came to meet her to hand over a faraday-cage passport holder for Kate, and to get a lift to Girton for a shiny bike. Steph came home again not that long after they'd departed, and a while after that Cormac met her and we sat around chatting some more before eventually it was time for them to go. We then played car shuffle, as next-door had a visitor blocking Steph's car in our driveway and I wanted to bring Cat's car into the driveway.

I emptied the boot of loot. Tomorrow is the last time I need to use the car (to get to NCT class in Bassingbourn), and Cat may decide to get rid of it soon. With the improved SPD, the Carlton is probably not as out of reach as previously, and Gilbert Road has plenty of garden walls I can rest on if necessary. I think everything else I can do by bus.

I'm still feeling tired and haven't done any of the organising/sorting out I wanted to, nor am I up to going and celebrating covertmusic's thesis hand-in, which is a pity. I shall probably go to bed with a nice book soon. If I'm not feeling more rested tomorrow morning we may not go to NCT class, as I don't fancy being stuck 15 miles from home by exhaustion. Hurray for laptops and the ability to spod from bed.

Yesterday I got the following done:

Mission 1: local shops
Posted the accumulated pile of letters.
Photocopied marriage certificate to get yet another name change done (they still turn up).
Bought drinks cartons, cereal bars, yoghurts, fruit juice, bendy straws & large tissues from Co-op, clearing a significant number of outstanding 'things we need'.

Interval: rest, lunch, rest

Mission 2: driving-distance shops
Bought tarpaulin, big cotton dust sheet and bucket from B&Q.
Disposed of large bag of charity things to charity shop opposite John Lewis, bought two big baggy tshirts.
Bought mattress protectors, and extra bedding from John Lewis at Tony's suggestion (if nothing else we'll be laundering more often so a bit more slack in our bedding would be useful). Also flannels from home birth list.
Failed to find any slippers I liked in my size (was size 7, appears to be size 9 now with the swelling).
Bought a small pack of 24 disposable newborn nappies from Boots, for an astonishing 99p. I don't really want to know how they achieve that.
Ran into my midwife unexpectedly, had a brief chat.
Looked at change bags in Mothercare, hated them all.

I got back to the car feeling very strange, despite sitting down a lot on the way from Mothercare. After some thought I decided not to go to some planned drinks, or to pregnant-swimming, but instead went home - I didn't want to be stuck somewhere in charge of a car if I got any worse. I think I was just tired - a rest, some water and some biscuits revived me enough to spod from bed, and later on Steph and Cormac came round to chat for a bit and eventually I dragged them to the Carlton for dinner. I was tired again by 10pm though, and went home then while still safe to drive.

Both times I got home I was too tired to empty the boot of all my loot. Cat has taken the car to work this morning, so I won't be able to now until she gets home this evening, but I don't think there's anything I really need in there (unless I go into labour in which case I can call her). We now have everything from the home birth list, with the exception of slippers for me, food in the freezer and food for partners/midwives. I'm not that worried about slippers, and we have food shops very close by, so we're pretty much there. I just need to do things like actually pack the hospital bag, and actually sort out the pile of baby clothes in the moses basket and actually finish the labour playlist.

I'm still tired this morning, though slowly waking up. I have a promised lift to Babies R Us today while Steph & Cormac buy a car, so I can see if I like any of their change bags. As I already have a good change mat and waterproof bag from the Nappy Lady, I don't have to stick to "official" change bags, but it's a place to start. I want something to carry on one shoulder comfortably, with multiple compartments, and ideally with a convenient pocket into which my own cruft (wallet, keys, railcards etc) can go. If I find one I like today, I can pack baby things in it, so we have separate hospital bags for me and baby. In the scenario where we end up in hospital, that makes it easier for someone else to find baby things without throwing my knickers around.

We had NCT class tonight, mostly concentrating on interventions: induction, augmentation, monitoring, ventouse/forceps & caesarian section. At one point the teacher said "if they've tried membrane sweeps and pessaries and the cervix isn't ready then you are basically looking at caesarian because there's no point putting syntocinon up if the cervix is unripe. So it's never done lightly and there has to be a good reason."

HAH. Apart from the induction that bloody obstetrician tried to book me for on Monday. Am really pissed off with her now. At Mum's suggestion, I will talk to the local PALS people, but after the baby is safely arrived. There are two issues: poor communication between sonographer and obstetrician; and poor communication/lack of respect for patient consent by the obstetrician herself.

A giant box of nappies arrived today and I just got around to opening it. They are amazingly cute and fluffy and soft, and I love them. They also seem to be fairly easy to open and close, and the waterproof (yet washable) wraps to go over them are similarly easy to use and look quite cute into the bargain. I took some photos (yes I am that sad).

The Nappy Lady says "New nappies should be washed a couple of times before use as this improves absorbency" which gives me something to do this afternoon.

I need to finish going through the lists of things to have around for the birth and make sure we have them all. Then maybe it will decide to arrive.

Looking back now, it seems clear to me that the doctor thought I had requested to see her because I was concerned about the measurements. In an ideal world I would have explained that I was only there because of the protocol followed by the ultrasound people, but that I did want to know what the potential risks were of large baby and excess amniotic fluid. And then maybe I'd have got something out of it and she wouldn't have been left with a frustrating appointment with a woman who just said no to everything.

I was very thrown by the stating, not offering, that I was going to be induced at 40 weeks, and for the rest of the appointment I was just on the defensive and wanting to get out of there. In hindsight it seems that I could have rescued it and made it useful if I'd realised in time that we had crossed wires. I wonder if there is someone I can talk to at the hospital to suggest improving their communication with each other to avoid this happening to other women.

I still don't really know what the risks are, so that's some research that I should do - being lazy I decided to wait until after I'd seen the obstetrician so I could start from what I was told there. I also want to talk to my midwife, both to check that she still thinks a home birth is ok, and to discuss how the appointment went.

What a thorough waste of time!

It didn't start well, given that I arrived on time for a 3:30 appointment, but had to queue for 10 minutes just to see the receptionist, who seemed to be very confused by her booking system. I was then called within about another 10 minutes and taken by a nurse to a consulting room, where she took my blood pressure and asked why I was there. "Because your sonographer told me to." Then she went away and asked me to wait in the room for the obstetrician. I estimate that wait at about 20 minutes, during which I could clearly hear at least two other interviews taking place. I really didn't want to know the gory details of someone's difficult delivery last time and why she wants an elective c-section this time.

Eventually the doctor turned up, went through my notes and confirmed it was a first baby and I was under midwife care, so why was I there. I explained about the sonographer and the graphs, and added that I wasn't surprised the baby was large because my mother had had 4 large babies. She looked at me, asked my height, and agreed that I was a large woman and large babies were to be expected. Then she asked me to get on the exam table, so I asked "what are you going to do?" and she said she was going to check the position of the baby, whether it was engaged or not and so on. She did this much more painfully than the midwife does, and confirmed it isn't engaged (which I could have told her), and then chased the heartbeat around for a while, saying casually that the large amount of fluid I have was making it difficult. I said that he'd been kicking me only a few minutes previously and she nodded.

Then while I was cleaning up the ultrasound gel, she said "Ok, I'm going to bring you in at 40 weeks for induction," at which point I sat up quite quickly and said "Er, no." She looked at me a bit puzzled and I clarified "You're offering me induction at 40 weeks, and I'm going to think about it" after which she backpedalled a bit. Of course it was my choice, and normally they wouldn't offer induction untl 42 weeks, but with a large baby I might want it earlier. I said firmly that I certainly didn't want to be induced at 40 weeks. She then offered a membrane sweep and I said "No" again quite firmly (I wasn't sure if she meant now, or at some unspecified future date, but was going to play it safe). She said "You're a woman of opinions," and I said "Yes," but went on to explain that I really didn't like exams so membrane sweep was very unwelcome unless the baby was in distress, but as he was moving strongly several times a day I didn't see that he was. So then she said I should come and see her at 41 weeks and we could discuss induction if I hadn't had the baby yet, and to call if the baby stopped moving. I said "if I come in and you induce me, can I go home and have the baby there?" and she said quite dismissively that midwives don't want to attend home births of big babies, to which I replied that I'd discussed the ultrasound results with my midwife who seemed quite happy and was seeing me at 40 weeks anyway.

It was all very polite but completely bloody useless. No discussion of the risks of big babies, or of the "excess" amniotic fluid, just an attempt to get me on the conveyer belt. If I were a good little sheep without "opinions" I'd now be booked in for induction next Monday, and if the baby isn't ready, as far as I can see that just leaves me open to more and more intervention for "failure to progress" and a much higher risk of c-section. Needless to say I have no intention of going back at 41 weeks - I will see my midwife then if I make it that far, and my midwife is perfectly capable of discussing (and carrying out) the physical induction methods which are generally tried before syntocinon. The only good thing is that the doctor really did seem quite content that my baby should be big and I do wonder if we had crossed wires, if she thought I had requested to come in because I was concerned about the size when instead it was the sonographer and the bloody charts and the 95% lines.

It does make me feel that I made a mistake consenting to the ultrasound scan last week. I would rather have trusted to my and my midwife's judgement about the baby's position - the ultrasound showed the baby was exactly the way she said it was when she last palpated - and then I wouldn't have been open to these damn measurements (which I didn't know were going to be taken until they were) and the first step on the conveyer belt. I'm going to discuss that with my midwife when I next see her, as I'm not happy about going through a lot of unnecessary faff and being put at increased risk of medical interventions.

When is the baby going to arrive?

Place your bids by commenting and I'll update the grid. Information you might want to bear in mind: The due date (40 weeks) is 2nd October and I believe current protocol is to offer induction and daily fetal monitoring from 10 days overdue. I am unlikely to consent to induction unless the monitoring indicates the baby is in distress. Normal human gestation can be anywhere between 37 and 43 weeks. At the time of writing this entry I have no indications of labour being imminent.

Edit: OK, I'm going to allow multiple people to pick the same day - you can divide the virtual prize between you if you 'win', and it allows more people to play as well as having a pleasing visual 'vote' aspect. I've done a bit of re-editing where I know people had preferred days that had already gone. Let me know if you want to change your bid based on this information. I'm off for a few hours now but will sort it out when I get back.
( Grid now behind cut as grown immense )

I pottered around getting the odd thing done, finishing a good book, and then started on the major job of filing the large boxful of CDs that fanf handed me after I thought I'd nearly finished the filing-CDs job. I set up on the dining table, and had the laptop there for CD-ripping purposes (I'm attempting to put together an iPod playlist for labour).

The laptop belongs to james_r who has kindly lent it to me for purposes of being able to check my email/LJ wherever I am in the house, especially after the baby has arrived. I'm also trying to get used to the Apple way of doing things after years of being used to Windows. In the long term I'm going to get my own Apple laptop and transfer most of my routine home-PC-use over to it.

Soon after 6pm I conceded I wasn't going to finish the filing job, so did my best to tidy it out of the way of housemates and joined Tony in getting ready to go out to New Hall's Alumnae Dinner. They had particularly encouraged alumnae from matriculation years 1996, 1986, 1976, 1966 and 1956 to come along, and my year had a reasonably good turnout - probably because lots of us still live in Cambridge. It was good to catch up with people a bit, answer the usual questions about the Enormous Bump[1], and generally enjoy the atmosphere of a place I'm very attached to. Feels odd to realise I have now lived in Cambridge for ten years, and only three of them in New Hall, but it had a big (and positive) effect on me.

[1] On going out, me to Tony: "You look gorgeous"; Tony to me: "You look pregnant".

The food was also very good and tasty, and the after-dinner speaker interesting. She was Kate Pretty, now one of the Pro-Vice-Chancellors and someone of whom I am quite aware. I just hadn't realised she was a NH alumna. We stayed for a while after dinner chatting to people, until I felt I was reaching the end of my safe-to-drive stamina. Today there are tours of the art collection and the garden which I can't manage, but maybe next year they'll do something similar.

Annoyingly I threw up all the lovely dinner in the middle of the night. I'm hoping it's just a case of 'too much rich food' but am going to take it easy today anyway (ok, even easier). Plain porridge for breakfast seems to have stayed down so far, and I am cautiously drinking water to rehydrate.

The baby is head down (no surprise there), curled up with his back on the left side of my bump and feet tucked up under my ribs.

However, the sonographer also took some measurements: biparietal diameter and circumference of head, abdominal circumference, femur length and amniotic fluid. When processed, these also spit out an estimate of the baby's current weight. I waited while the sonographer did her stuff, but when she came to see me it was with that careful don't-panic-the-patient look. She said that the baby was measuring big for dates and that if I had time to wait, she thought it best that I talk to a doctor about the measurements and their implications.

I did my best calm smile and said sure, no problem, I can wait, and she went off to talk to the duty registrar in the Maternal Fetal Assessment Unit, who in turn recommended that I see one of the obstetricians in the clinic. None of them were available (delivering babies perhaps?) so she asked if I would be able to come in on Monday or Tuesday. I said yes, still calm, still smiling, and I am booked in for 3:30pm Monday.

I then had a long and very dull bus journey mostly involving standing still in traffic on Hills Road (but brightened briefly by running into Ingrid), and on getting off the bus near home, went straight into the Co-op for comfort food as my calm was wearing a bit thin. Once I got home, I rang my midwife to let her know and to ask her what the concerns might be that the sonographer was so careful not to worry me with. Essentially they boil down to concerns that my baby might be too big to come out normally, and that the labour might be long and slow. She said she and her team would still be happy to attend a home birth, but they might be more careful about checking for fetal distress and more inclined to recommend transfer to hospital if things are going slowly. If I go into labour over the weekend I should still call her and she or whoever is on duty will still attend me, but of course if I want to go to hospital that's fine too.

Some facts. All the body measurements are on the 97% line of the standard growth charts they use, with the exception of the femur length which is bang on the average line. The estimated fetal weight is 4044g (just under 9lbs) which is on the 95% line and the amniotic fluid index is above the 95% line. My mother delivered four babies normally, ranging from something under 9lbs to 10lbs 10oz. I am very similar to her in build, and was over 9lbs at birth.

I find I am more worried about being bullied into a hospital delivery than I am about the additional risks. I am a big woman and it doesn't surprise me that the baby is on the big side. If the labour is going to be longer, then I definitely want to be at home where I feel safe and comfortable. However, I will go and see the obstetrician and listen to him/her, armed with a very useful phrase learned from the ukmidwifery list: "Thank you for your advice. I will consider it and let you know what I decide."

Questions that come to mind are:
What are the uncertainties on these measurements?
What percentage of women with babies at or above these lines on the graph actually have problems delivering normally?

I already know that if I need an emergency caesarian, it makes little practical difference if this is recommended by a midwife attending me at home or in hospital, given theatre preparation times and journey times to the hospital from home. I suspect also that the constant attendance of someone at home will mean any problem is spotted sooner than on the ward, where midwives often have to cover more than one mother.

I am doing my best to stay calm and unstressed about it all. Can't help thinking that the baby could solve my worrying by turning up over the weekend, although I think Tony's colleague David might be annoyed at losing his leave next week (and nassus would also be somewhat inconvenienced).

Yesterday I met up with Tony and his colleagues for their regular Wednesday lunch. The USSC had Manx kippers which were delicious (but I couldn't finish mine). Then Tony & I met up with his sister Sarah who had a business meeting near Cambridge and drove in to meet us afterward. She had lunch and we had drinks with her. When they both had to go, I amused myself in Borders for an hour or so (managed to only buy 3 books) before going to see my midwife at 3:30.

I mentioned the swollen feet, but blood pressure is fine and no protein in urine so she is happy. Then she tried listening for the heartbeat and had to chase it around a bit before we could hear it clearly. I had a moment of panic and had to remind myself that I'd had my ribs kicked not 20 minutes previously. Fundal height is above the expected range, but midwife was quick to reassure me and tell me it was almost certainly because the baby hasn't dropped. We can tell this by the way I still have bladder capacity, can't eat much in one go, and wake up with acid indigestion. I also mentioned that my mother had four large babies and I'm not exactly narrow-hipped, so I'm expecting baby to be large. Anyway, she's pretty certain baby is head-down but I'm still going for tomorrow's positional scan so everyone is reassured about my home-birth plans. They may also measure baby at that point. My next appointment is in 2 weeks time, and she finished by saying "see you soon, one way or another" which amused me.

After all that, I was fairly tired. I caught the bus most of the way home. Richmond Road seemed longer than I remember, but there are lots of garden walls so I sat on one for a bit halfway down. After that I did a brief email check and then spent the rest of the evening either reading or doing colour Hanjie puzzles as my brain didn't want to work. Cat called her car rescue people out to the car because it didn't start Tuesday evening, and it turns out the alternator is broken, so they took it away to fix it. We should get it back today, with any luck in time for me to use it for getting to aquanatal. As my walking is getting better, I may be able to get there on foot if I sit on some more garden walls on the way.

Mike P came around last night to catch up with Sue and they got pizza with Cat, and I scummed a piece of garlic bread and a couple of pizza slices from them while also getting Cat hooked on standard Hanjie. I need to find the other book I have so Sue can give it a try too.

We have finally spent money on the baby. I utterly recommend The Nappy Lady for a prompt and helpful advice service and enough information available to sate even my research obsession. It really helped to cut through the overwhelming range of cloth nappy options. I spent a lot of time on Sunday and yesterday reading up on options and issues.

We were recommended either Bimble/Bumble nappies or Fluffles (the cutesy brand names are the other annoyance of cloth nappies) and I decided to go for the Fluffles, which are relatively new but apparently very fast drying - an important consideration in a shared house. They also come in popper versions rather than nappy nippas and I feel happier with poppers. Because they are a new brand, second-hand sets aren't readily available (though I did check) so I went for new. Wraps are Motherease Air Flow, again because of poppers over velcro. I spent the miniscule extra for Eco Theme printed wraps on the principle that if I'm going to have to look at these things multiple times a day they may as well be pretty.

So, nappies, wraps, booster pads for night time, an "early days hire kit" of six returnable wraps in the smallest size, some muslins just because they'll be useful, as well as my previous order for bucket, net, change mat, wipes etc comes to something under 300 pounds. A lot up front, and we'll have to buy more nappies in the next size up later (about another 130 pounds if we buy new), but even with laundry costs it'll be way less money than disposables in the long run (see MoneySavingExpert's nappy article for figures). Cheaper, nicer for baby, and better for the environment - a win all round.

I am quite excited about getting the parcel(s) now.

I'm waking up about five or six times a night, just to change position. Some of those times I need the loo or to sit upright for a bit and chew coloured chalk to make the acid indigestion go away. Unfortunately all of this nocturnal activity is waking fanf up, and he isn't falling back asleep as fast as I am so is getting much more sleep deprived. This seems wrong somehow.

So, this morning when I discovered the cats had brought us an entire dead blackbird, and Tony asked to sleep in longer before dealing with it, it seemed only fair to say 'ok'. They had deposited it at the foot of the stairs, which made getting down them very difficult, but after that I could move from living room to kitchen and back again with only a little bit of wibbling. Long before Tony woke up, arnhem very kindly dropped by on his way somewhere and disposed of the bird for me, after which I was able to vacuum up the feathers and use the stairs.

I discovered that I can sit on the sofa if I use one of the beanbags to keep me at the forward edge of it.

james_r came round to lend me a laptop and we had an entertaining time getting it to talk wireless to the house router. I need to work out how to use it in non-RSI-triggering ways as I'm already getting some twinges after an hour or so's experimentation.

My feet are swelling up horribly again, and seem to be getting mild heat rash which is hard not to scratch and turn into really itchy rash.

I've been awake just over 12 hours and am quite sleepy again already. Lots (ok, about 5 or 6) of Braxton Hicks yesterday, one today.

• Freecycle leftover packing boxes from Andrew moving out: offer posted and approved 15 min ago


• Buy nappy things from http://www.thenappylady.co.uk/: generically useful things (bucket, change mat etc) bought, advice request for specific nappies submitted


• Get plastic sheeting and a sick bucket from B&Q


• See how many towels we have already and in what condition


• Tidy and sort baby clothes currently piled in Moses basket, and make up basket ready for baby


• Investigate if recent improvement in SPD lets me wash up, so kitchen is not complete disaster area


• Sort out bags of things from work: recycle, freecycle or find permanent homes


• Finish filing CDs and freecycle the jewel cases


• Bring CUMC accounts up to date


• Update birth plan again


• Think about music for labour and assemble CDs


• Move direct debits (CAMRA, BMC, NCT) from my account to joint account


• Fix squeak on bedroom door


• Check NHS book, other resources for suggested list of things to go in hospital bag; things to wear during labour: http://www.homebirth.org.uk/list.htm v useful


• Make lists: to have in house, to have in bag, people to call afterward


• Pack hospital emergency bag

Work on (in 15 minute chunks):

• Intray


• Home inbox


• Clutter in study


• Wedding thankyous

At least I won't be bored waiting for baby to come.

We had a double-session of NCT antenatal classes today, which means we've now done I think 3/4 of the planned course. And I feel increasingly the odd one out. There are six couples, all from Cambridge and the surrounding areas, and everyone is middle-class white British. But we're the only couple planning a home birth, the only one explicitly planning to split childcare equally afterward, and the only one planning to have a second birth partner with us. (It's fair to say that I'm the one that drove each of these decisions and I don't think Tony would have argued hard for them if I'd chosen differently.) One of the other couples appears to be seriously considering cloth nappies.

As well as being the feminist tree-hugger, I'm also the only one who seems to have done all the reading beforehand. I was expecting to know about 80% already and hoping for a good review of everything in one place for me; also making sure everything was covered for Tony rather than the haphazard way in which I've rambled at him about what's on my mind over the last months. However, I have honestly not learned anything new from these classes. Whenever the teacher asks us to think about an issue, I already decided how I feel some time ago, and I find it difficult to be as spontaneous as the others seem to be. I worry I talk too much.

We are getting the review I wanted, and I think we're making friends too, which are both good reasons for going to antenatal classes. The last session is going to cover "when things go wrong", forceps, ventouse and caesarian, about which I do know less, so perhaps that will be more like the 20% extra I was expecting. But I haven't felt this odd-one-out for a long time and I'm feeling a bit weird about it.

Last day at work was very easy. I'd finished the last piece of documentation the night before, so I spent the morning alternately clearing my desk and the box of stuff from my desk at the previous site that's been mostly undisturbed for the last 2.5 years, and reading email. It's amazing just how much stuff one can accumulate around the office desk over nearly 5 years: I filled the boot last night and tonight, as well as putting a sturdy pile of paper in the shredding and taking another similar-sized pile to the chap who now looks after the university card office.

I decided that walking out at lunchtime was too cheeky so picked up a nice easy helpdesk call to keep me busy for a few hours. Entertainingly it took rather longer to test my fixes than expected so I ended up being joint last in the office while waiting for various things to run, and still not closing the call (but moving it along significantly). I did spend a lot of the afternoon reading either my book (Mindstar Rising by Peter F Hamilton) or random bits of internet.

I sent a short "so long, see you on the other side" email to my colleagues and got no less than 14 "out of office" replies - everybody's using up their leave before the end of September. I also set up and tested my vacation message and that was pretty much my last act.

It feels a bit odd - it probably won't sink in completely until the middle of next week when I realise I still haven't gone to work. Not that I'm short of things to do at home, not least sorting through the bags of stuff from the office.

Today I've had multiple Braxton Hicks contractions (3 or 4) but they steadfastly refuse to get any more interesting or intense. Probably a good thing, gives me time to get the last things together.

If there is a next time, I am starting maternity leave 3-4 weeks before the due date, not 2. I am barely making it through a full working day and I'm too tired to do much when I get home apart from read. I want to write LJ posts on: things I learned from the midwife and an updated birth plan; Mike & Tara's wedding; something else but I've forgotten.

I also need to pull together my brain and get the last few things ready for the birth and the baby. Pack an emergency hospital bag. Make lists of things. Etc.

The last piece of "what I did this year" documentation is taking longer than expected, but I am determined to finish it, and clear my desk, and walk out the door at 5pm tomorrow. It helps that some major system work is being planned at 5:30pm tomorrow, so if I'm not done by then, I'll have to go home anyway.

Time to head for the office.